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Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before
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Consistently inconsistent
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By:
Max Bygraves
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08/03/2026
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This article has been viewed 430 times.
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In the weekly play-off contention Hokey Cokey, it felt like we were very much out at 2:30pm but maybe less so by the time the other fixtures finished at 5pm. Still in? Maybe? Hope, or if we’re completely honest - blind optimism, kills you.
Maybe Salford’s most famous band, The Smiths, were talking about a play off chase when they sang, ‘there is a light and it never goes out.’ It would be extreme to have gone with ‘heaven knows I’m miserable now’ for the title above. Be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind in that second half, though. But there’s no need to ‘panic.’ Enough, I know.
Salford was an earmarked long-distance away trip on the list from the season’s start. Sky Sports helpful decision to move the kick off to lunchtime made this slightly more challenging but we were undeterred. Given the exceptionally quick London to Manchester route from Euston, a 9.13 departure saw us in Manchester not too long after 11 and under the away end with the time still saying am.
Despite our early arrival into the ground, it was apparent we’d taken a good number. Many probably also in the same boat of having not ticked this one off before.
The ground is a bit of a meccano affair but does the job. The away end was home to Babs’ cafe as the snack bar - made famous by the Class of 92 Salford documentaries on both BBC and Sky down the years. I noted Babs herself was in there, so a bit of celebrity spotting if that’s your thing. My main concern however was the fact the sign was written as Bab’s cafe. Criminally appalling apostrophe placement. Poor Bab.
The fact I’m musing on the punctuation above the tea bar price list gives a bit of an indication as to where this is going. There wasn’t much in the first 39 minutes of football that provided more of a talking point. Real lower league hoofball at its worst on a sand covered pitch. The hope was we could get it to half time at 0-0 and then maybe try something new in the second half.
This plan was gone in the shake up six minutes before the break when a soft looking goal went in in slow motion at the back post. Disappointing all round.
If that was a bad time to concede, a second one right on the interval was terminal. Defending was again not a highlight although it was well worked and taken with a beauty of a finish.
It was hard to be too positive at the break. Snaking queues to make The Hive look efficient the experience for most back behind the stand. Despite being ready for some lunch, decided to wait and give this a miss.
The first fifteen minutes of the second half saw us put ourselves into the game a little more but without any chances created. Surprisingly, it took until the hour for the first changes. The invisible man wearing number 16 was replaced by Hartigan who did more in his first two minutes on the pitch than his colleague had in sixty. An equally otherwise uninspiring swap of Assombalonga for Jaiyesimi brought very little. As always, patience and time has been given here but I think it’s fair to say there’ll be no Britt awards this year. File him in the same category as Gary Hooper, Luke Freeman and others of such ilk.
The best way to describe the performance was that we were aimless and seemingly had no game plan. For 90 minutes, our main idea was to hoof it forward into their two giant centre backs for poor Tshimanga to try and chase for scraps. We didn’t create any chances and we looked devoid of ideas.
Salford were ok. Efficient, you’d perhaps say. They’d done what they had to in the first half, were resolute at the back but offered little in the second half. They did go closer than us on a couple of occasions but the score didn’t increase.
The funniest moment was Oli Hawkins coming on in the 91st minute. Maybe it had taken until then to find his boots. In a game where we played our most suited to Hawkins’ approach all season, he was given just a few stoppage time minutes. He did win a free kick for having his shirt pulled and also a header in the box. Sort of wish he’d saved both of those for another day.
The sweet release of the referee’s final whistle brought the collective misery to an end. It had got deceptively chilly too and my toes were ready for some indoor warmth. The players got a decent ovation from an away support that perhaps deserved more for our efforts on the day. But it was pleasing to see no one losing their shit unnecessarily. These days happen.
Little point in trying to evaluate the game further. Very forgettable and as poor a performance as I’ve personally seen this season. Even some of our most consistently strong performers will feel disappointed after that one.
We’d not altered our planned return train booking on the 18:34 so an afternoon in Manchester lay in store. A current hiatus from drinking meant that on my first beer-free train away day for about twenty years, resolve would perhaps be tested.
Rather than joining an excellently planned Manchester pub crawl in its initial stages, myself, a mate and his teenage son headed to Classic Football Shirts in town. Shaking heads at some of the mental prices aside, always an enjoyable visit for a football nerd. A few games on an old FIFA on a PS3 downstairs in their little bar and the Barnet game was a long-distant memory. The rest of the crew joined a little while later and we went on to the Northern Monk pub before finally venturing back to Piccadilly. Have to say, I thought the Northern Quarter of Manchester city centre was quite nice.
I had been a little concerned the return journey may have felt a bit long having not had the same post match intake as the others. This proved to not be the case. Much amusement and laughs were had. Particularly at one member of our party seemingly operating on delay to everything in terms of reactions and contributions. Some enjoyable Barnet/football trivia saw the journey back to London whizz by. Highly recommend the 501 game although no one managed to complete this without busting themselves.
In my away game going heyday of the 2000s, we used to comfort ourselves in regular defeats in all corners of the land by the fact the people we went with were great and that was the main thing. It was wonderful last year that the football was so amazing that we had the job lot and didn’t need to remind ourselves so much of this.
As we disembarked at Euston and went our separate ways into what was left of Saturday evening, I did take a moment to consider the social viewpoint. 20+ years of friendship with several of these idiots along with many more not present today through this shared passion. We don’t do it for just the football and certainly not for the winning. Wouldn’t have or want it any other way.
Although saying that, I wouldn’t mind six points against two struggling teams next week to keep this desperate flicker alive a little bit longer yet…
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